Grand Theft Knickers
by Reiven
Summary: COMPLETE. Gen-fic. What if, on that fateful night Sirius almost led Snape to his death, he was not alone? He had formed an unlikely alliance with the infamous Lucius Malfoy.
1. The Plan

_Standard disclaimer applies._

This story has been revised and revamped. Some parts were changed and added to.

This is a bit of an AU story, considering that Lucius was not in Hogwarts at the same time as Snape or the Marauders…I don't think so, anyway. But let us, for a moment, just imagine that they were.

This is also a back-story to the events that took place in second chapter of The Chronicles of What: Draco Saw What? You don't have to read that to understand this, though.

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Grand Theft Knickers.  
_Part One: The Plan._

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"I'm bored. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I asked you first."

"How about some Quidditch?"

"Boring; is that all you ever think about, James?"

"No …"

"How about some homework, Sirius?"

"… I'm bored. What do you want to do?"

"It's time to get serious, Sirius," Lily stared down at him from where she stood, "The N.E.W.T's are coming up, and none of you are prepared."

Sirius paid Lily no heed, instead, he turned to James who was in the middle of releasing and catching the snitch in his hand, "I know, let's pay Snivellus a little visit."

"Nah … Quidditch sounds much more appealing," James leaned back in the chair and looked at Sirius with a bored expression.

Sirius snorted and looked over to where Remus sat, his nose buried in a thick Transfiguration book.

As if feeling his friends eyes on him, the werewolf looked up from the book, "I have things to do in the library."

"Let's get Snivellus back at Quidditch?"

Sirius didn't seem to hear, or chose to ignore, the simpering voice of Peter Pettigrew.

"No. Homework!" Lily balled her fists at her sides and glared at Sirius.

"Snivellus."

"Quidditch."

"Snivellus!"

"Quidditch!"

"_Homework!_"

It was another normal day in the Gryffindor Common Room, before the four boys decided to head towards the kitchen for some snacks, leaving the red faced Lily Evan's to stare at their receding backs.

**- - - - -**

Meanwhile, in the Slytherin Dormitories …

"I'm bored."

"So?"

"I'm bored."

"Then go play with yourself in front of the mirror, Lucius."

"Fine. Stay here by your greasy self then, Severus," Lucius treaded up the stairs leading to the boys' dormitories and slammed the door behind him.

**- - - - -**

"In case you haven't noticed, people, I'm still bored," Sirius mumbled though a mouth full of cupcakes, spraying all the others with bits of chocolate crumbs.

"Then go find your beloved Snivellus, Padfoot," Remus rolled his eyes, "Honestly. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were smitten with him."

"What? I-I-why I-Remus!" Sirius spluttered, looking scandalized at the mere mention, "that's low, Moony. Very low."

"He does bring up a very good point, Sirius," James snickered, "you do have an almost unnatural infatuation with the greasy slime ball."

Peter looked torn between Sirius and James. Not knowing which to support.

"Why I …" Sirius huffed, "I'm going to use the bathroom!" he stood up abruptly and walked out.

The three of them watched Sirius go with an expression of mixed exasperation, amusement and guilt on Peter's part.

"So, tonight's the big night isn't it, Remus?" James brushed off Sirius' outburst off his shoulder, it wasn't the first time that had happened anyway.

"Yes. So, where are we going tonight? I think we've pretty much covered the entire Hogwarts and Hogsmead ground by now."

"We'll just have to see tonight then, won't we?"

"I guess you're right."

**- - - - -**

_Stupid Severus_, Lucius though to his bed as he lay spread eagle on the bed, eyes scanning designs that the cracks made in the ceiling, _what would he know about doing something anyway?_

Lucius sighed and pushed himself up with his elbows so that he was half sitting, half-lying down on the mattress. His gaze fell on his reflection in the dress mirror that stood in the far corner of the room and a theoretical light bulb went off over his head. _It couldn't hurt,_ he smirked to himself as he studied the mirror.

Sliding off the soft comforts of his bed, Lucius made his way toward the bathroom. A few minutes later when he finally emerged, he was clad in nothing but a pair purple, red and green polka dotted knickers. He stood in front of the mirror silently, studying himself. Turning to the side, he surveyed his pale body, illuminated by the dank lighting of the dungeon. Lucius absorbed the comforting presence of his multicoloured undergarments. The way they enhanced the muscles on his body, how the utter brightness of them made him stand out in the middle of the mono-toned room. Most of all, he liked the way they made him feel safe, comforted, worthy … like a million Galleons.

Unbeknownst to him, an eye was surveying him though the small crack in the door.

**- - - - -**

_I wonder what prissy Lucius is doing, the poncy git_, Snape thought to himself as he sat alone reading his favourite book, Most Potent Potions. _I should see what he's doing … it's awfully quiet in there. Perhaps he's cast a spell that had backfired. I would only be so lucky._

Snape took to his feet and walked upstairs to the door of the room he was sharing with the Malfoy. He was just about to reach his hand to the door know when he saw Lucius' reflection in the mirror. _Lucius?_

The blonde boy didn't seem to have noticed his presence, leaving the black haired teen to his spying. After a moment of silent gawking, the only thing that Snape could think about was how to get his hands on those knickers.

**- - - - -**

"Those guys are such twats," Sirius muttered to himself as he made his way to the bathroom, shoulders hunched and hands in his pockets. _Greasy Snivellus needs to be taught a lesson. Maybe I should steal his underpants and hang it from the Astronomy Tower_, his face suddenly lit up, _maybe I should hang 'him' from the Astronomy Tower. Though, I can't do this alone. I'll need a partner …_

With that final thought, he pushed his way into the second floor bathroom. He could not have even imagined what Fate had in store for him.

**- - - - - **

"I'm so bored," Lucius had changed out of his favourite knickers and now resumed his original position; lying spread out on his back, trying desperately, but failing, to come up with a plan to amuse himself. Sighing exasperatedly, he decided that any type of activity that might interest him in the slightest was not going to happen in the Dungeons. Maybe it was time to go and bother James Potter and his band of merry men.

Grabbing his silk, emerald coloured scarf, Lucius walked out of the room, finding that Snape hadn't moved an inch from his position since Lucius had exited the Common Room.

"Severus?" Lucius walked over to him, "Severus, did you die with your eyes open and not tell me?"

Snape stayed silent, eyes stared fixatedly on the same page he was on since his little discovery.

"Sev – nevermind," Lucius waved him off and walked out.

**Snape's POV.**

_They are so beautiful if compared to my own … so pale and boring. Should I nick them? Lucius would kill me if he found out … that is … if he finds out. But I should not. It is not becoming of a Prince. I would tar dear mother's name. In any case, what would I think if anyone stole my precious pair. I would not know what to do if they ever disappeared. Should I or shouldn't I? Yes or no? Decisions, decisions …_

**- - - - -**

After leaving Snape to his sulking, Lucius roamed around the school, alone and still jaded. So far, he had managed to curse a few first year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, left a few lingering surprises for Angus Filch, the caretaker, along the corridor, and snogged a couple of Slytherin and Ravenclaw girls.

All of a sudden, a sinister smell coming from the opposite direction forced him to halt in his tracks. Curiosity got the better of him and he found himself following the offensive smell, if only to find out what rare creature would emit such a stench. Perhaps he could sell it to the Daily Prophet and make some extra Galleons. He soon found himself in front of the second floor bathroom, where the smell seemed to have originated from.

_What in the name of Merlin?_ Lucius pinched his nose with his thumb and fore finger, _I don't think the Daily Prophet would want something that smelled this bad, no matter how valuable it may be. Maybe it'd be better off going to the Quibbler._

Any further Galleon gaining schemes were cut short when the door flew open and a figure rushed out. He didn't seem to notice Lucius standing in front and rammed right into him, sending both boys to the floor with a thud.

Lucius groaned and pushed himself to a sitting position. He rubbed the sore spot on his behind and turned a glare to the other person when a familiar voice reached his ears.

"You don't want to go in there, mate; trust me."

"Black?"

"Wha-" Sirius looked to the person he had bumped into. Realization finally dawned on him and he growled in a low and menacing tone, "Malfoy."

"What in the name …" the same realization dawned on Lucius and he narrowed his eyes at the offending person, "I should have suspected, Black. No creature alive today could have produced a stench so foul. Well, I guess that when one person is foul, he tends to stink up everything that crosses his path."

"Ah, very witty, Malfoy. So tell me, _Lucius_, you seem to hide the smell very well, maybe you could recommend the same spell you used."

"Good comeback, _Sirius_. I say, you seem to have more brain when Perfect Potter isn't around to brood over. Has he snogged you yet? Because you seem sadly deprived every time he's in the same vicinity."

"Same goes for you, Malfoy," Sirius growled, "Where's Snivellus? Is he warming up the sheets for you already? My, my, you two do work fast."

Lucius' eyebrow twitched, "I beg your pardon – no, that did not come out right; beg my pardon, Black, I would not let Greasy Severus anywhere near my velvet covers with a ten foot wand."

"You use velvet covers, Malfoy?" Sirius didn't hide his amusement in the slightest, "Merlin, what a ponce."

"You should try it sometime, Black, them maybe you wouldn't look like something a dragon chewed and spat out."

"Why? Is this an invitation?" Sirius' mouth curled up into a smirk.

"What if it is?" Lucius stared intently at him.

The both of them stayed silent for a long moment after the last phrase was uttered. The awkwardness of the situation had managed to grab them by the throat.

"So …" Sirius purposely didn't make eye contact with the taller blonde.

Lucius cleared his throat.

"Greasy Severus, eh?" Sirius said suddenly.

"Snivellus?" Lucius added, "I've always wondered whether it was Father Potter came up with that?"

"Father Potter?" Sirius raised an eyebrow but failed to keep the mirth from slipping out with his words.

"What?" Lucius shrugged slightly, "Lily Evans-Potter and James Potter: Ma and Pa Potter. Do they not mother you constantly with their incessant whining and complaining? Perhaps he should be Mother Potter, Evans' seems to be the one who wears the trousers in the relationship."

The last comments made Sirius burst out in laughter, only after a few seconds did he finally manage to get the laughing under control. Wiping the tears of amusement with the back of his hand he looked over at a smirking Lucius, "You know Malfoy, I'd sooner chew my hand off that admit that you're anything other than a lowly, under-handed Slytherin scum. But I have to confess, you can be pretty funny when you want to be."

"Yes, I am aware of that. It's the Malfoy charm that I will pass onto my son, and he will pass onto his own son. It's the circle of life, Black. There is no doubt in my mind that the family Potters' will indubitably breed a whole new generation of Potter preachers."

"You know, James wasn't always a –"

"Wet blanket? Fuddy-duddy? Killjoy? Flubberworm's grandfather –"

"I get your point, Malfoy," Sirius glared at him, "and sad to say … all of the above. It all started when Lily first caught his eye, and he started trying to impress her in classes, with Quidditch. I think he still has a scar from when he smash into the Slytherin stands. I never thought that Slytherin's were even dangerous without wands."

"I remember that. Good, good memory."

"Before this, James was a scoundrel, a force to be reckoned with –"

"I saw what you did to Severus during the O.W.L examinations. Just like a vagabond to wear such offensive undergarments."

"Yes. Good, good times," Sirius grinned broadly. Snapping out of his reverie, he looked at Lucius with a raised eyebrow, "I never knew you disliked him that much. I always thought that Slytherin's stick together."

"Why would you think that?" he returned Sirius' raised eyebrow with one of his own, "You must have confused us with you Gryffindor do-gooders. Slytherin's only stick together to ensure then when you're attacked, you have that extra person to throw in the path of the curse."

"Good to know that you can always count on a Slytherin to be sadistic and cruel, not something I could say about my friends," Sirius sulked.

Lucius looked at the downtrodden Sirius with a questioning gaze when a thought suddenly came to him, "You doing anything later, Black?"

"No, why?" Lucius' sudden question snapped him out of his thought.

"I'm currently experiencing an assault of boredom, and perhaps you could assist in curing it. Of course, strictly in the name of evil-doing, not that we'd be … eugh … friends or anything."

Sirius thought about his answer for a moment then stuck out his hand for Malfoy to take, "Sounds fair enough. I'm bored out of my mind right now as well. So, truce?"

Lucius studied his outstretched hand for a moment before grabbing it with his own, "It is the last year of school, and who would know? Alright, truce."

"Great," Sirius shared a similar smirk with Lucius, "so then, what should we do. I was thinking something along the lines of Severus Snape."

That suggestion managed to catch Lucius' fancy, "What did you have in mind?"

"I was actually thinking of something along the lines of hanging him out the Astronomy Tower by his underpants –"

"No, too public. We need something more affective and less obvious. Something like –"

"I've got it," the dark haired Gryffindor exclaimed suddenly, startling Lucius. He grabbed the blonde boy roughly by the shoulders, ignoring the glares that were being thrown at him, and whispered frantically into his ear.

Lucius' expression turned from discontent, to curious, to downright shocked in under five seconds, "You're kidding?" he pulled away from Black and stared him straight in the eyes, "Remus Lupin is a _werewolf_?"

"That's not important now," Sirius brushed him off, as if not realizing that he had just blurted out his friends biggest secret to the enemy, "what's important is that we teach Snivellus the lesson he so obviously needs."

"I have to admit, Black. You do have some brains to go with that brawn, if it is just a speck."

"What was that?" Sirius seemed to have missed Lucius' last comment.

"Nothing."

"So, we'll do this tonight, just after dusk. I'll meet you in front of the pear and don't forget the plan."

"I'm a Malfoy, Black, and Malfoys never forget," Lucius turned up his nose and walked off.

"I thought elephants never forgot. But I guess the Malfoy ego is as big as an elephant, if not bigger."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

**- - - - -**

"Padfoot, where have you been?" James looked up when he heard the entrance door open and Sirius waltzed in, "Don't tell me you spent the entire time in the bathroom. What did you have for lunch?" James was sitting on the couch with his arm around Lily's, who obviously was still mad at them for ignoring her that she kept scooting away from James. Oblivious to the hint, he just scooted along with her.

"Nah … just wandering around the castle, thinking –" he was cut off when Lily jumped up off the couch and put a hand to his forehead, checking his temperature.

"Sirius, are you feeling ill?"

He swatted her hand away and with a glare, turned to Remus.

"Shouldn't you be going to the shack about now? It's getting dark," He whispered.

"Chasing me out so early, Sirius?" he said with mock-hurt dripping from his words, "I always knew I was just a tool for you to use to quench your crave for adventure, but this just proves it …" he sniffled, "but that's alright, I understand," he stood and gathered up his things. Behind him, James and Lily had to cover their mouth with their hands to keep from bursting out into laughter, "I will go now, Sirius, just like you want. By myself … into the darkness, alone … with no company. I don't mind being chased out, but by you –"

"Okay, okay!" Sirius held his hands up in defence, causing the James and Lily to lose the fight of the giggles and doubled over on the couch, "I didn't mean it in that way, Remus, so there was no need for such dramatics."

Remus walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder, "I know, Sirius, but you also know how much I like to see you squirm. And if you will excuse me, I have a date with Professor Dumbledore."

As Remus exited the Gryffindor Common Room, Sirius stretched his arms over his head and faked a yawn, "I think I'll just catch some shut-eye. Wouldn't want to fall asleep when the big moment comes, do I? See you tonight then Peter, family Potters'."

With out waiting for a reply, he rushed upstairs and shut the door to his room.

James, Lily and Peter exchanged a look, their thoughts immediately went to one thing.

"He's up to something."

_End Part One._

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	2. The Execution of the Plan

_Standard disclaimer applies._

OOC-ness may be present.

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**Grand Theft Knickers.  
**_Part Two: The Execution of the Plan._

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_Where is he?_ Lucius paced the corridor impatiently, _just like a ruffian to be late,_ he huffed indignantly.

"Sorry I'm late!"

He turned abruptly, in time to see a sweating Sirius jog up to him, broom in hand.

"Had a tough time escaping the band of merry men, did we?"

"You have no idea. They kept asking me about what I did in the bathroom that took so long. So I said if they wanted to know what I did so bloody much, give me a hot bowl of Senorita Salmandra's Spicy Salsa, and I'll _show_ them what I did."

"You need just bottle an sample of the stench and they'd probably stop bothering you about it," Lucius snickered, "getting back to the matter at hand; what do we do first?"

Sirius grinned and leaned over to him, whispering the idea into his ear. Lips curling into a sly smile, Lucius nodded in agreement.

"Everything set?"

"Indeed."

So then, the both of them went their separate ways. Sirius went to the Whomping Willow, and Lucius went to the dormitories to fetch Snape.

**- - - - -**

"Severus," Lucius looked around the empty common room and wasn't even half surprised to see Snape still in the same place he had been when he left.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" Snape grumbled, not even bothering to look up from his book.

"Oh, Nothing. I just thought you'd be interested to know what I overheard about the plans those menacing Gryffindors have for tonight."

This managed to catch Snape's attention, "Go on."

"That's all I heard, but I you want to know more, I suggest you head down to the Whomping Willow. I think they mentioned something about a lever somewhere at the root of the Willow that you'll have to push to get to where they are, probably planning some scheme to embarrass you … again."

"Really?" He looked incredulously at Lucius, "Why should I believe you. You are not only a Slytherin, you're also a Malfoy."

"Have it your way, Severus. But don't blame me if you miss the one only chance to get back at Potter and Black," Lucius shrugged his shoulders and turned to walk away, "and by the way, I take offence by that remark. We Malfoys would never stoop that low as to sell-out our own housemate," with a final billow of his robes, he walked out, shutting the door behind him.

However, before the door could seal up completely he stopped it with a foot, leaving enough space to spy into the Common Room without detect. _If you would believe that, Severus, then you deserve what you get. People know to never trust a Malfoy_.

**- - - - -**

_Get back at Black and Potter, eh?_ He smirked, deciding to take Lucius' words on it. How bad could it be anyway? The worse he could get was a detention with Professor Slughorn for prowling around after curfew. _I should wear my lucky knickers tonight. It could very well be my night, I'll need all the luck I can get._

Behind the door, Lucius was smirked and continued on to the rendezvous point.

_Twit._

**- - - - -**

"So, did you do it?" Sirius asked Lucius as he came behind the bush where Sirius hiding. It had a clear view of both the Willow and its entrance, "is he coming?"

"Of course he's coming. Who _are_ you talking to, Black," Lucius tied his long hair back with a ribbon, not taking any chances of it getting tangled with twigs and dirt.

"A Malfoy. Which is much reason to fret," He scepticism soon evaporated as he continued to watch Lucius brush his hair back with his hand and pulled the silky strands into a neat pony tail, "What kind of potion do you use on your hair?"

"What?" Lucius turned to Sirius, his hand still busy with the ribbon and he almost elbowed the other boy in the eye, "why?"

"I was just wondering."

"Well. It's a secret passed down from Malfoy to Malfoy for generations," he left the statement hanging and went back to his hair, seemingly unable to tie a perfect knot without it unravelling moments later.

Sirius looked at him expectantly, "… and?"

"… and what?"

"What is it?" Sirius narrowed his eyes at the boys obliviousness.

"Which part of _Secret_ didn't get through that think head of yours, Black," he seemed to be growing more agitated as the knot just refused to tie.

"Oh, give me that!" Sirius grabbed the silver ribbon from Lucius and walked behind him, "now hold it tightly and stay still," he circled the thin ribbon around the long silver hair and tied it twice into a elegant bow.

"Thank you … I think," Lucius cleared his throat when Sirius walked back to his side.

"No problem," he looked him straight in the eye, "You own me now, so spill it. It can't be that big a secret anyway."

"What?" Lucius glared at him, "Did you even hear the '_for generations'_ part?"

"C'mon, Malfoy. It's not like I'd tell anyone."

"I –"

Whatever Lucius was going to say was quickly forgotten when a loud howling emanated from deep within the Whomping Willow and just moments after, a rustle in the bushed signalled the arrival of their victim for the evening.

"Bloody hell, yeah," Sirius rubbed his hands together, "let the execution commence."

Lucius, however, looked less than thrilled, "Are you sure he's safe? I mean, he could just come out and come after us."

"Why? Scared, Malfoy?" He grinned.

"Me, scared?" Lucius huffed.

"Shush, look," Sirius grinned and pointed towards Snape crouching down to pick up a torn piece of clothing that Sirius had deliberately planted there, right next to a long stick. Normally, Snape would have realized the obvious trap, but he was too blinded by revenge to take realize. Using the planted stick, he poked at something under the roots of the Willow and the branches immediately froze. Throwing aside the stick, he got on his hands and knees and crawled into the dark hole, disappearing from sight.

Lucius and Sirius, the two weirdest pair in Hogwarts history, could barely hold a smirk from surfacing.

Minutes seemed like an eternity listening to the cricket orchestra, until suddenly, the silence was broken by a blood-curdling scream. The two misfits burst out in laughter as Snape came crawling out of the hole as fast as he could and started to run away. Soon after him, a werewolf burst out of the hole and continued in pursuit.

A fearful Snape, in his frenzied state, tripped over his own two feet and landed face first in the dirt. Moony the werewolf took this opportunity and sped up. He stopped right above Snape and continued to loom dangerously over the frightened form. Moony opened his mouth wide and let out a deep howl, exposing a set as he got ready to bite down.

**- - - - -**

In the Whomping Willow …

_So … this is what's inside the willow._ Snape thought to himself as he walked down the darken passageway, the only source of light he had was from his wand. A sudden creaking sound to his right, caused his eyes to snap up towards the source, _what was that?_ "Who's there?" He looked around, but found nothing but darkness, _it's just my imagination._

He walked further down and came to an old room that looked like it was about to fall apart. What the- from the far corner, a shadow stirred. "Who's there? Potter? I know it's you, you bloody git," Snape advanced on the corner his wand pointed. He could hear heavy breathing that didn't sound like it could come from any human. When the creature came slowly into the light, he did the only thing he could. He screamed.

**- - - - -**

By this time, they both were rolling on the ground. Unfortunately, their good laugh didn't last long when Sirius heard a familiar voice.

_"Stupefy!"_

The spell hit Moony square in the back but he still managed to take a bite out of Snape. James quickly rushed over and pulled Snape out from under the frozen werewolf.

"Potter," Snape spat, trying furiously, but failing to hide his exposed behind where the werewolf had sunk it's teeth right through his robes and taken a bite out of his knickers.

"What are you doing here, Snape?" James shouted at him.

"That's none of your business."

"Seeing as how I just literally saved your arse, Snape. I'd say I have a right to know what the bloody hell you were doing," he shoved Snape to the ground.

The greasy haired boy retaliated by tackling James. Both boys fell to the ground in a heap of flying punches and kicks.

"I have to help him," Sirius started to stand up but was stopped by Lucius who pulled him back down by the hem of his robes.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going to help my friend. What does it look like?"

"It looks like you're about to indict the both of us. I, for one, don't want to be kicked out of school in our last year just because Saint Potter couldn't mind his own business. I won't let you do it either. Got it?"

"Humph!" Sirius turned away but didn't attempt to run to James' aid. Soon, they heard footsteps running towards the fighting two before Dumbledore, McGonaggal and Hagrid came into view.

"This might be a good time for us to take our leave," Lucius turned away.

"Yeah …" Sirius followed suit.

When they made clear of the Whomping Willow, they broke into a run for the castle until they reached the pear statue. Lucius placed a hand on the pear to steady himself while Sirius just dropped unceremoniously to the floor. The both of them took a few minutes to catch their breath and started to laugh again.

"That was priceless. Did you see the look on his face?" Sirius wiped the sweat from his forehead.

"Oh yes. That was a look to remember," he exchanged a satisfied grin with Sirius, "You would have made a good Slytherin, Black. I'm still wondering why you didn't become one in the first place. The first in the Black family, aren't you?"

"I'll take that as a compliment then," he took to his feet, brushing the sand off of his robes.

"Take it as it comes," Lucius studied him for a moment, "You didn't answer my question."

"Well … My dear Mother always expected me to uphold the family tradition and end up in Slytherin as well, unfortunately for her, I've always been intent on doing the completely opposite of what she wants me to do. So that was either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff … and … Hufflepuff? I'd rather bite off my own fingers."

"I see your point," Lucius nodded, faraway look in his eyes, "I'm sure if I ever tried to defy my parents, they'll disown me -"

"Tch," Sirius snorted, "I'm just a hair-width away from being blasted off the Family Tapestry."

"- and he'll probably have me murdered."

Sirius looked incredulously at Lucius, who only stood there in silence. Deciding that it was not a matter either of them wanted to pursue, he stretched his arms over his head, "Well then, I guess this is where we part. It's been enjoyable."

That seemed to bring Lucius out of his reverie and he nodded, "I have to agree. Though, never in a million years would I have ever thought I'd be having fun with a Gryffindor, least of all you, Black."

Sirius walked over the pear and pulled out the broom he and hidden there and looked back to Lucius, "Same here, Malfoy."

After a moment of silence, they both turned to leave, wordlessly. Just a few steps into his stride, Lucius stopped and turned around. "Black."

"Yes," Sirius' reaction was pretty abrupt, meaning that he was about to turn and call back to Lucius as well.

Lucius walked back to where Sirius was and held out his hand. "Thanks, Bl – Sirius."

Sirius have him a small smirk, "Anytime, Lucius."

They both let go and walked in the opposite direction towards their respective dorms, hearts feeling lighter by ten folds.

**- - - - -**

Sirius flew up to the window he had left open when he went to meet Lucius, but found it closed, "What the?" Looking around for another way in, he spotted the window to the common room was not only open, the lights inside were also on, "Oh great," sighing, he flew down to his impending doom, and true enough, he was greeted by the angry faces of Lily and James.

"Where have you been, Sirius Black?" Lily said in commanding tone.

"Umm … Quidditch practice?"

"Sirius … " James growled in a low, warning tone. When Sirius didn't reply, he blurted out, "_What the hell were you thinking_? You stupid, _stupid pillock_!"

"Keep your voice down, James. You'll wake the others," Lily looked towards the stairs to make sure no one was currently eaves dropping in on their conversation.

"I will _not_ keep my voice down!"

"Shut up, James!" Sirius shouted, "Do you want the others to hear this?"

"Calm down, guys," Peter tried to calm the two fuming boys, but was promptly ignored.

"I will _not_ calm down and I will _not_ keep my voice down, so _stop_ shushing me, Lily!" he turned to face Sirius, "I got detention because of you. Not to mention that you almost _murdered_ Snape!"

"Like I really give and rats arse. It's his own fault anyways," Sirius crossed his arms across his chest, "He's the one who was so eager to find out our secret," he spat out the words and glared coldly at James, "He deserves what he gets, the greasy sod."

"You are such a selfish, foolish little man, Sirius. What do you think Moony would feel like if he found out that he had _killed_ someone tonight?"

By this time, the entire population had been awoken and attracted into the conversation by the words 'killed' and 'tonight'.

One burly fifth year dared to walk down the stairs to get a better view of the two boys. He hadn't even gotten half way when James noticed.

"And what do you think you're looking at? The lot of you get back to bed, _immediately_!"

Startled by James' tone, they obliged. Soon the common room was once again deserted, leaving Lily and the three Marauders.

Sirius looked impressed at the fear James had struck in their hearts. When James turned his glare towards Sirius, he shrunk away at the sheer intensity, "Fine, then. It was my fault, happy?"

"You don't get it, do you?" James was still pissed at Sirius, but his anger had transformed into something more of exasperation, "It's not a question about whose fault it is. It's about the fact that you almost led someone to their death. Killing someone is punishable by Azkaban, Sirius. Don't you get that?"

"I got that. I wasn't even me who –" He stopped mid sentence, deciding weather to tell the others about his partnership with Malfoy or not.

"It wasn't you who, what?" James looked at Sirius with a suspicious glance.

Sirius finally decided on the latter "He just heard me mumbling about it on my way to the bathroom."

James looked at him disbelievingly, "What were you doing in the bathroom, anyway? Or better yet, _who_ were you in the bathroom with?" James narrowed his eyes at him, "You couldn't have done this all by yourself."

"Who? You think I'm not capable of doing things by myself, James?" Sirius was starting to get pissed, "Just because not everyone was born as perfect as you, you think you're better than everyone else? Or are you just ticked off that _you_ weren't the one who came up with this plan?"

James grabbed Sirius by his collar and slammed him against the wall.

"James, stop it," Lily cried, but her words fell on deaf ears.

"Who?" James said threateningly, "Because your comments sound like some I'd hear coming from a certain blonde," he added under his breath so that only Sirius could hear.

Sirius narrowed his eyes, understanding James' accusation, "No one," Sirius replied, not losing his composure, "Just me and Sirius Jr." he smirked.

After a moment of silence, James let go of him, "Fine. But just remember Sirius, when Filch makes me scrub the boys bathroom on the second floor –" at the mention the specific bathroom, Sirius paled, "- you will be right there next to me. Got that?"

"Sure thing. And Prongs –" Sirius called out to James' retreating form, "You might want to use a bubble head charm when you get to the cubicle that's second from left, if you know what I mean."

"What do you mean _me_? _You_ will be the one doing all the scrubbing," He smirked.

"But you said –"

"I said I'd be next to you. I never said anything about scrubbing. I'll just supervise," He looked away from Sirius and walked up the stairs to the room, "This doesn't mean I forgive you, Padfoot."

"Of course it doesn't. What _was_ I thinking?" Sirius said to James as he disappeared behind the door.

"Ahem."

Sirius slapped and hand on his forehead, turning around slowly to come face to face with - "Lily," he said merrily, "and how are you doing this fine evening?"

"Don't you 'Lily' me, Sirius Black. I have a right mind to report you to the headmaster –"

"Of course you do," Sirius rolled his eyes, "But before you do. Just tell me how James found out it was me."

Lily pursed her lips after being cut off, "He went to check up on you after you went up stairs and saw the window open, your broom gone, and a petrified cat in your bed."

"Ah," He nodded in understanding, "You may condemn me now," bracing himself for the tongue-lashing he was about to receive from her. Peter, who was also aware, bid them goodnight and went to bed.

Sirius stood there like a man awaiting the verdict in front of the High Court of the Ministry of Magic. When Lily gave it to someone, she really gave it good. The scolding of Sirius Black went all through the night. When the entire student population of Gryffindor House woke up the next morning, Lily Evans, head girl, was still at it. The handsome face of Sirius Black now looked more sunken, like someone who had spent ten years listening to Professor Bins talk about the Goblin Revolution.

"See. I told you we should just leave it up to Lily," James whispered to Peter.

Later, when they had told Remus what Sirius had done, he was livid. And poor Sirius' was once again subjected to an earful of scolding.

**- - - - -**

Lucius had returned to Slytherin House the night before and went straight to bed. Not bumping into Snape until the next morning.

"Morning, Severus," He yawned as he walked down the stairs to an empty common room, save for one Severus Snape, "Where are the others?"

"Saturday. Hogsmead weekend." Snape replied shortly.

"Oh," Lucius sat down opposite Snape and stared at him, "So, how did last night go? Did you get revenge on Black?" He mentally snickered at the memory of a terrified Snape.

"It is probable."

"Good. I'll go and get ready for Hogsmead then. Wouldn't want to keep Miss Narcissa Black, waiting, do we?" He stood up and walked to the boy's bathroom, "I'll marry her one day. You just watch. Narcissa Malfoy sounds much better, doesn't it?" He shut the door behind him, not bothering to wait for Snape's answer.

"I'm sure," He finally looked up from his book, _you can smirk all you want, Lucius Malfoy. I will get my revenge. You will pay for ruining my precious pair. You mark my words. I will make you pay._

_End Part Two._

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	3. Aftermath of the Execution of the Plan

_Standard disclaimer applies._

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**Grand Theft Knickers.  
**_Part 3: The Aftermath of The Execution of The Plan._

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Time passed by quickly, and before anyone could realize it, the end of the year had already come. Another term ended, but the last one to be enjoyed by the seventh years. For one, Sirius Black, it had been an odd one. He had befriended his rival, got into a row with his best friend, almost, and begrudgingly failed to kill his worst enemy and lost thirty percent of his hearing in both ears.

The aftermath of the night, Lucius and toned down the teasing he did to Sirius, even when they happened, they held no malevolence. But the truce did not extend to the rest of the Marauders.

- - - - -

"I can't believe its over," Lily sobbed into James' shoulder, "It seemed like just yesterday we were walking through the front gates as clueless first years."

"It was just yesterday when Sirius walked through the front gate no longer a first year, but still clueless." he sniggered, but one look from Lily silenced him.

"It's not funny, James."

"There, there, Lily, we could always come back to visit," he circled his arm around her.

"But it wouldn't be the same," She started sobbing harder and covered her eyes with her hands.

James sighed, feeling a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach. He closed his eyes and dwelled in his own thoughts. He too would miss Hogwarts … the adventures him and the Marauders would have every month during the full moon. Once the new years came, they would all already be working, busy with their own lives and family. Perhaps, there would be no more time to spend with each other anymore.

He was shaken out of his reverie by the sounds of snickering and opened his eyes to the grinning face of Sirius', just barely a few inches away from his.

"Having a fantasy, Prongs? An erotic one?" he smirked and jumped out of the way of an oncoming punch. "Tell me … did it involve Lily, a flying carpet and some cherry pudding?"

James' eyes became round, and his face started to turn a nasty shade of red. "Sod off, Padfoot."

"It did, didn't it? My, my, what a dirty mind we have?"

"What carpet and cherry pudding?" James turned abruptly to the voice of Lily's, seemingly shocked at her presence by his side. "James Potter! What fantasy?" she narrowed her eyes and leaned dangerously forwards to face him.

"N-Nothing …" he stuttered and started to inch his way backwards, but Lily did not give up.

"James Potter! You better tell me now, or else, I'll -" they were disrupted by a knock at the widow, and there they saw a magnificent black eagle-owl perched on the window sill.

Remus, who was busy sorting out his things on the common room table, walked over and opened it, letting the bird fly in. It flew directly towards Sirius and landed on his shoulder. The weight of the bird startled Sirius and he nearly toppled over, but managed to regain his footing.

The bird pecked at his ear, and motioned to the piece of parchment tied to its leg.

Sirius reached to the letter and untied it.

"Who's it from?" James asked, when he noticed a strange expression pass over Sirius' face.

"Oh, no one. Just me mum. The old hag says that if I don't return home before the end of this year, she'll disown me. Tch. Who cares, it's not like she hasn't obliterated me off the Family Tree already." He rumpled up the letter and stuffed it in his pocket.

The eagle owl, seemingly discontented by the act, bit his ear, hard.

"Oww! Get out of here, you stupid pigeon." He waved his hand, chasing it away. It gave one final screech before flying out the window and out of sight.

"We just need to see the family bird to imagine how your family really is like." Remus shook his head while smiling sadly.

"Your mum's a wench, you know that?" James looked at him with sympathy.

"Do I ever," he turned around slightly. "Hey, Peter, when did you get here?"

"H-Huh? I've been here all this time." He squeaked from where he sat in the far corner, keeping a watchful eye on both Sirius and James.

"Didn't see you," he looked thoughtful. "In any case, I have an appointment to keep. So, I'll see you guys later?"

"Sure."

"That reminds me…" Lily glared at James. "James Potter! You…"

Sirius didn't hear the end of that sentence because he had walked out of the common room, as the door shut behind him, hand went back into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled piece of parchment. She smoothed it as best he could and reread the short note again. The writing was elegant and written in dark green ink.

_Meet me at the malodorous place._

_L.M._

He snorted. '_Just like a Malfoy to demand someone to meet them,_' He rolled his eyes, "_And using such big words_." He continued towards the place where he had first met Lucius.

- - - - -

'_He's late_,' Lucius paced the hallway in front of the bathroom. '_Again_!'

"Hey." Sirius strutted carelessly towards Lucius.

"You're late, Black." Lucius narrowed his eyes at his ex-enemy.

"Excuse me, but you never mentioned a time in the note."

"Fine," Lucius huffed. He noticed the cut on Sirius' ear. "What happened to your ear? Cut yourself shaving?" he smirked. "Pretty off target I'd say. Maybe next time you should have Potter shave for you."

"That bloody bird of your bit me. And what would you know about shaving, Malfoy? It's not like you could grow pubic hair even if you wanted. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a girl." Sirius retaliated.

This time, unlike others, their bickering lacked malice.

"What are you going to do after this?" Lucius asked suddenly.

"Throw a party of course."

"I mean after that." He looked sideways at Sirius.

"Oh… I don't know yet. Maybe something like an Auror or something along those lines. What about you?"

Lucius shrugged. "I don't know. Father wants me to dwell in the Dark Arts; I really couldn't be bothered really. But seriously-"

"Ha-ha. Give the bloke a crumpet for that brilliant pun." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"As I was saying," he glared at Sirius. "This has been an interesting year. Dare I say it… even enjoyable?"

"Dare I say this… I have to agree with you? The memories of Snape's ugly knickers will forever more haunt me in my nightmares." He snickered.

"But then, we'll have the memory of his terrified expression to put us right back to sleep," Lucius' face for once, broke into a grin that held neither malice nor resentment, instead, showed amusement.

"Hear, hear."

"However." he held a serious tone.

Sirius' expression also became serious.

After a moment of silence, Lucius' face broke into the first ever smile anyone had ever seen. "I had fun… Bl…" he stopped for a moment and added as a finality. "Sirius."

"I did too… Lucius." He held out his hand, and Lucius accepted it gracefully.

For a few moments they stood like that, until the both let go, and without another word, walked the opposite way.

Lucius suddenly stopped and called out to him. "Sirius!"

"Yeah?"

Lucius walked back to him. He reached into his robe and pulled out a little black container. "Here."

Sirius studied the small container. "Thanks… what is it?"

"What - What do you mean… _'What is it?'" _he motioned to the thing in Sirius' hand. "This is '_it'_."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "It?" he face came to a realization. "Ooh… _it_ …" he smiled at Lucius. "Thanks."

"No worries."

They nodded to each other and left. Not knowing what the future held for them, but as they would discover, it isn't anything like they would ever imagine.

- - - - -

"Sirius," James called from the common room. "Do you want us to miss the train?"

"Coming." Sirius shouted from the boy's dorm.

"I swear, that guy takes longer to get ready than any girl I've ever dated-Ouch!"

Lily slapped him playfully in the shoulder. Her face became somber again. "I'm going to miss Hogwarts."

"We've been through this before. Everything will be alright. We'll get through this." He smiled at her and she returned it. Lily was beginning to get comfortable in his company, but was startled out of it when he suddenly shouted. "SIRIUS!!"

"I'm coming!! Sheesh." He walked down the steps dragging his trunk behind him with one hand and in his other, trying to keep his Kneazel, Bastet, under control. She bit him on the finger and ran towards Remus, jumping into his arms, "Stupid cat." He sucked his finger.

"She's still mad at you, Sirius. Not like I could blame her." Remus stroked the Kneazel in his arms.

"Yeah… you petrified her and stuffed her into your bed. I'd be mad as well," Lily put her hands on her hips.

James cut in. "I would be too, but I wouldn't notice because I'd be too busy killing you for trying to rape my girlfriend."

"There'll be no more talk about killing, James Potter. Do I make myself clear?"

James could barely hide the smirk, "Yes, mother."

"James."

"What?" he faked innocence, "my mother calls me that in that exact same tone of voice whenever she's mad at me too."

Lily turned up he nose and looked away.

"By the way, Sirius, there's something about you today that seems… different. I'd even go as far as to say it makes you more…"

"Ruggedly handsome? Devilishly sexy?"

"I was going to say _'Slytherin-like'_, really."

Sirius seemed scandalized at Remus' accusation as James, Lily and Peter both turned their attention to the two boys.

"He's right, Sirius," Lily nodded, "I think it's the hair."

"You bugger you; how'd you get it so silky and straight like that?" James jumped to his feet and began circling his friend like a vulture.

"But washing it and combing it with much passion and care."

"I'm serious, Padfoot."

"Very funny, James," Sirius made a face and turned to pick up his trunk, "shall we take our leave now, ladies. Wouldn't want to be late for the train, do we?"

"You still haven't answered my question."

"Yes, I have."

"If you regard that bunch of codswallop an answer."

Sirius ignored James and continued out of the dorm room. Following his lead, the others picked up the things they were going to carry, the rest were left to be taken bythe house elves, and walked out. James continued on his tirade, without so much as an acknowledgement for Sirius.

- - - - -

Lucius was busying himself with packing and attempting to keep his mind off of the topic of his father that he didn't notice a pair of glinting dark eyes peeping in at him though the crack in the door. He minded his own business, cast his wand over his clothes sending them flying into the trunk before settling down immaculate and neatly. But once his eyes caught onto something out of the corner of his eyes, he left the comfort of the bed and picked it up, bringing it closer to his eyes for inspection.

"My precious," he muttered, rubbing the material of his beloved knickers again his cheek in content.

At the door, the pair of eyes widened, longing eyes running over the lovely sight. It was not Lucius he wanted, but payback. And payback meant the knickers. He had some plotting to do and thus left his place to go and draw out his blueprint.

- - - - -

The final breakfast passed on without a glitch, and before they realized, all the students found themselves aboard the train headed back to their homes. Some cried tears of sadness at the thought of never returning to Hogwarts. Some cried tears of joy at never being forced to sit through potions anymore. The others merely minded their own business and wondered whether lunch would have been prepared by the time they got home.

But for one Lucius Malfoy, his nightmares were just starting to surface as at the other end of the train, Snape secretly wallowed in his own satisfaction.

He'd got them; Lucius Malfoy's pride and joy. They were now in his possession.

Ooh, the smell of revenge was indeed a fragrance that you'd not soon forget.

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_The End_

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Okay. I was tired of leaving this one unfinished. Yes, the end was rushed, stupid and kinda moronic. I just wanted to get it finished (and it is FINALLY!) Hope you all enjoyed anyways. Thank you for reading.


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